Coming out has been a revelatory experience. Having to look at my own personal history and really examine some of the opinions I have formed. I have had to recontextualise where I was and the underlying thoughts and desires that I had not accepted that pushed a narrative of myself that was not accurate. What has surprised me the most is the sheer weight I had always carried around, the constant discomfort that I now know to be what most trans people feel. I am now trying to re-experience a lot of the media I have consumed with this new outlook in order to challenge any left over opinions and ideology that was informed by my experiencing life as a man, albeit not a very good one.
New Books
I, Robot - Isaac Asimov
1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
— The Three Laws, Some Real Fucked Up Slave Shit
2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Honestly a bit of an odd one, very clinical which is fitting as it is largely told from the viewpoint of a Robot Psychologist. Incredibly speculative with the fuzziness of a positronic brain, something with seemingly complex understanding of abstract concepts but with the requirements of the laws to function. There is very little moral exploration of creating a slave race which is the thing that horrified me the most, the first story shines a light on the sentience and potential of emotionality of the Robots which puts a horrifying bent onto the rest of the stories.
In contrast, some of the works inspired by this early science fiction such as The Culture Series by Ian M Banks explores the effect on a people of robotic abundance and the removal of labour. In I, Robot we explore the restrictions of the laws and the effects on the created slave race, culminating in the Robots eventually maneuvering themselves into such positions of power over humanity that they can better fulfil their designated functions. Reading it did make me appreciate the film, not the egregious product placement I remember 25 years later but some of the scenes are inspired by individual short stories and looking back at it they at least capture some of the spirit if not the essence.
Will Smith: Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot turn a... canvas into a beautiful masterpiece?
— I, Robot - 2004
Sonny: Can you?
Weird Fucks - Lynne Tillman
A series of bohemian sexual encounters. I very much recognised myself both in the voice of the author and in the eyes of the author. This was unpleasant. It is hard to read and empathise with what seems to be a very privileged life of artistic parties, Mediterranean islands and European living. I don’t think I would have pick up on the reluctant vulnerability the narrator experienced or really been able to see the pitifulness of the men in the book before I began transitioning. I genuinely believe if teenage boys read this there would be significant harm reduction.
Old Books
Night Watch - Terry Pratchett
I decided on a re-read of one of my favourite books after spotting the Penguin Modern Classic release in a book shop and having a skim only to be confronted with nausea inducing wrongness of it not being my copy. Returning home to once again crack open my cared for but thoroughly read copy I do wonder if I will have the same response to it that I used to. The revolutionary spirit is strong at the moment I do not really see a future where there isn’t either violence on the streets or some kind of active resistance especially in the US. A Night Watch frames political revolution as a side effect of political change not the driver, something that seems to be increasingly true.